Scenes from Teen Driver Education with Mom
1:12 PM - Thursday, Jun. 12, 2003
I want to warn every parent out there. Listen to me very carefully. When it comes to letting your 15 year old child drive, RUN to the nearest driving school and sign them up!! Do NOT attempt to train the child on your own. You will become very aware of the fact that this child has waited for this day forever and figures they know everything about driving and all they must do is jump behind the wheel and take off!! Whoo hoo!
Scene opens with Mom in the passenger seat, calmly instructing Son#1 on driving the car.
Mom: OK, slowly press the gas pedal.
Son: (As the car flies through the parking lot at speeds formerly unknown to man.) Why won't the car straighten up? How do you make it go straight??
Mom: Maybe we should start with basics. This is a steeeeeerrrring wheel. You steeeeerr with it.
Son: Yeah, you steer for a turn. How do you make it go straight??
Mom: (big sigh)
* * * * * * * * *
Mom: Ok, let's try pulling into that parking space.
Son: OK, that one, no that one over there, no this one, no ok, THAT one.
(Son pulls into parking space and continues to drive up onto the curb. Again, Mom sighs.)
* * * * * * * * *
Son: (Gunning engine) WHOO HOO!! WATER!! (as he flies through large puddle of water, leaving no vision through windshield.)
Mom: Let's discuss why we don't drive through the water if at all possible.
Son: Oh, yeah, it might be deep.
(Further discussion called for on dangers of water, no visibility and how little of Mom's nerves are still available for support.)
* * * * * * * * *
Mom: Could you pleeeeeease try to keep it under 20 mph??
Son: I haven't even gotten it up to 20 yet.
Mom: Oh. . .feels like 50. I'm too old for this.
Son: Whoo hoo!!
Mom: Let's practice using the turn signal on each turn you make.
Son: What's a turn signal? Where is it? What is it for?
Mom: (very loud, long sigh)
Mom and Son change places. While attempting to leave the parking space, Mom manages to drive up and over a curb and the screeching of metal and grinding of Mom's teeth can be heard throughout the parking lot, along with hysterical laughter and totally inappropriate comments made by two sons accompanying Mom. The parking lot is currently inhabited by many, many band students just released from band camp and their parents. All turn to stare in wonder. Mom is thankful she has not yet put on makeup or contacts and prays no one will recognize her. Scene Ends.
